12:28 a.m.

seth rogen is not funny. let's just get that out of the way.

ok. i just got back from wal*mart located in leicester, ma. there were a number of families there with teen-aged kids out grocery shopping. what the hell? i can not for the life of me recall one time when my mom rolled me out of bed at 11:30 at night and told me it was time to pick up some TIDE and a dozen eggs. i could feel my bones age as i shot "isn't it a little late for kids to be out right now?" out of the side of my mouth.

as jared and i waited in line he let me know that the 6'2" broomstick headed towards us (with a glorious string of a ponytail that even andrew w.k. would envy) used to go to school with him and insisted on wearing a black trenchcoat right after columbine. well, this guy and the rest of his d&d crew; the hob-goblin and the dwarf, came right behind us in in line.

so, ponytail is standing almost on top of jared's head and the line is taking forever. now, don't get me wrong; seeing jared in any sort of legitimate pain or distress kills me......BUT i do absolute relish in the thought of jared boiling because of a pack of nerds' close proximity. he sweats bullets! he gets so easily annoyed. he cracks me up.

side note: when a pregnant woman makes you mad, are you allowed to get bitchy with her?

i'm done for now.

back to the future

first official blog. stream of conscience cliff notes. who knows?

Cursive: Momma, I'm Swollen - if you were wondering how cursive would ever find it's way back in to your heart, to fill the hole that "Domestica" left, it's here. it's here and it's fucking huge. how does cursive manage to push themselves so far forward and yet always stay exactly how i remember them from the first record?

beyonce covered alanis morisette this week. i knew that bitch would eventually push too many of my buttons and ruin the beautiful relationship we had. it wasn't enough that she was getting away with jay-z AND those hips, but she had to go all gwen stefani on me. i'm pretty sure if i created an alter ego for myself my mom would send me to counseling.

it has been six weeks since i have been able to put my foot inside a shoe. i can't wait to run. i want to run into the foggy oblivion that is leicester, ma. sitting on my ass has allowed my brain far too much time to wander. my wandering mind creates anxiety for me and i REFUSE to let my anxiety come back and take over my life. i can feel it. a little piece of panic clings to every one of my bloods cell and drifts aimlessly through my body like it was the lazy river at splashdown.

i am going to buffalo for the weekend. jake is having a winter's over festival. three days of eating and laying around his house. seeing him this weekend is going to be so good for me. i have been completely shut off from the world and am starting to forget my friends' names.

i don't know if i am going to stick with this blog thing. maybe it will be good to put some of my thoughts outside of my brain. i don't need to sort through them or provide any reasoning for my thoughts. i can just put it here. right here.

hopefully, then, i can keep those thoughts from settling in my brain. there is no vacancy up there. i got lots of shit going on and have no room for the immeasurable "what-if's". it's exhausting.

clap on. clap off.